I believe I will be forever stuck in limbo. I just don’t see any other way.

Peace

Christmas came early this year :) you know that peace I was talking about earlier? God gave it to me tonight during a difficult moment , when I really really needed it. He gave me a peace I can’t explain even though the outcome was what some might consider a loss. But I didn’t feel a loss, instead I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me. Like I literally felt lighter. It is so weird. But the good kind of weird.

I read this verse before I had to go through this trial.

The path of life is level for those who are right with God;

Lord, you make the way of life smooth for those people.

Isaiah 26:7

My first thoughts were “really?!” because I’ve been struggling for a really long time and I don’t see any smooth path. But after the trial and receiving the peace I understood this verse so much better. I understood that first you have to be level with God and second the smooth part doesn’t mean that you won’t have any trials but that God will be there with you throughout them. I learned so much from that one verse. I’m so thankful for that lesson too. It never ceases to amaze me when God works :)

Morning devotion

I realized that I have been complaining and anxious a lot. It is not something I enjoy doing. I need to trust in the Lord and be focused on Him instead of everything this world is telling me I’m not and trying to make me jealous because of what I lack. My devotion this morning from Proverbs 31 Ministry reminded me of that. It is so easy to get sucked into this world and the “things” of it. If it was everything I needed, then why is there still an empty feeling on Christmas morning? Even though you get everything on your wish list? The world’s message just doesn’t make sense! This Christmas I want something more than “stuff” I’m told I’m lacking. I want a peace in my heart that can’t compare to anything this world can offer. And I want to give to others instead. My family and I decided not to give gifts this christmas to the “usual” people. We will donate the money we would usually spend to our family that is less fortunate than us. And let me tell you it has lifted a weight off my shoulders this Christmas that i didn’t even know was there. And I think it is the beginning of the peace that the Lord can fill my heart with, that will fill the big hole in my heart.

John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (NIV)